strength

Some people associate strength with the ability to endure pain and suffering, to go on when your body says no. An issue of mind over matter. When the body fails, the mind pushes it to go on, but what happens when body and mind fails? what then? how do you go on?

Strength they say comes with purpose, determination and will. The desire to see something through, pride, love, all these are sources of strength. However what happens when there is none of this? What happens when you question your purpose, when those around you give up? They answer search, search deep within you to find the strength to move on to see it to the end, but then again is that a good enough reason? how many times have strong men fail to finish what they start? '

Strength to me is not physical or mental, they are too frail, too weak and can be broken. Strength to me is spirit, or rather spritual. Strength that comes from men often fail. Like they say when you depend on men, you will be dissapointed. Strength comes truly from God, when you beg and tear for the will to go on, to not feel the pain. For personally i have no reason to be doing what i am, no purpose to drive me, physically im weak, mentally untested. Truly with every step i take i say a prayer, i cry inside for i have no more to give. With my eyes red with tears, clothes soaked with sweat, pants with my piss, i go on, but this strength is not from me. I have no more.

Yet with all He has given me i still betray him yet and yet again. I now pray for forgivness and strength again, but this time not strength to go on, but strength to resist.